L; Thursday, July 29, 2004 ♥
My life is always a plain one ever since when I was young. When I entered sec 1, I mixed with the wrong gang of people because I am easily influenced and also easily bullied. A lucky thing is that they do not give me punches, I can thank god or my beloved lord Buddha for giving me this protection of not getting hurt. Thinking back, the best times that i even had was during my sec 2.
I remember that year, we played and also strive hard to pass our exams and also our class are very united. After sec 2, ever since this class broke out after that, my lifestyle changes a bit. It changes more and worst from the first ones that i encounter during my sec 1 and 2. Life changes then, maybe in a new class with new people, so might be more quiet. As time passes, i feels that i know them more so be more open to them. It came out that i had not make a single movement because i am somehow a puppet of a person in my class that i hated most.
From then, i feel like killing that person, it is either he die or i die. Like some sort of drama serials but it is true at that time because i can't stand that pressure. I often have to go find counsellor for help as i simply cannot take that particular environment. It totally stress me out, tired of living and also cannot handle my temper. End up always venting my anger at home to my parents. *sigh* it is a bad experience after all.
Then on the next following year, it seems quite alright for me but on the first or second day, i was being tolded off by my teacher for ill treating a gal who just dropped from another class to ours. Is it a joke??? I bet it is not, after this incident, the whole class looked at me. I am usually the helpful one, when did the hell it turned out that i bully my classmates? As the matter of fact, i am always a guy who do not know what is right and good for me, everytime follow people do things blindly ending up, i am the person who is always being hate down to the core. Just don't know why is it so that i am always being hated.
There is only one time where i got my situation changed is when my leg was fractured the other time. My left leg was in it the other time, those who went along with me when i got this incident laughed and said why such a small lump can be in such a big mess? From then i realise somethings in life i must try taking care of myself before it is too late. This such a good atmosphere period only lasted for around two to three months and it started back to the worst again.
To be continued......
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Thursday, July 29, 2004]
Just after class for a few minutes, i felt that my period of siansation is heading on the way and it is about to hit the top sooner or later. Feeling bored and in the middle of want to go and not go out. A mind that i cannot make up is that i feels so boring that i can write all sorts of rubbish in this blog bow, which is quite true in some sense.
So back to business...After i asked him to read this blog of the latest postings, he was shocked and cannot believe that his precious korkor is loving him. Maybe i am too stress but this feelings went on for 2 months ever since i first knew him. Just don't know why, is it due to stress or is my urge of getting a friend who is like him. Am I one of his kind or in my past life, i knew him since dunno when the hell is that....haha.. i am mad...!!! back to business again. Another matter besides this abnormal relationship is that i am secretly admiring this girl who is my ex-colleague, she has the same birthday as mine. Yes 28 october, my worst day of my life which comes first rather than my work or exams or even my death anniversary.....what the hell, i am not dead yet. I want to know her more but still i do not know how to on further....life sux, why need such a long way to do it but for the sake of my future i have to do it so that i and my the other party can be happy.
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Thursday, July 29, 2004]
L; Wednesday, July 28, 2004 ♥
Recently i got some funny feeling of myself loving my junior who is also my god didi....
It happens months ago during the time when the yr 1s comes into RP. I knew him from IRC and then chatted over msn and then on the phone. At that time is not that serious as i think, haiz just another friend of mine, it is alright ah. But as time goes by, i feels that i have some unexplainable feelings for him.
The more that i am with him, the more i feels for him. Ah...life is starting to kill me. His way of mixing around with friends makes me feels that his friends are more tolerable with him. Able to forgive and forget his mistakes.
I am completely covered in stress. Sometimes i may even mixed all sorts of feelings together. u people out there might find me very naive to be thinking like that. But it's true that i am doing this recently. I have this feeling for once or twice that i may fall for him for the past one to two months.
Till recently, i've went out with him and then i got this funny feeling that we can be from godbrothers to guy guy relationship. For all, this kind of relationship can be condemn till the core. At the same time i am secretly admiring my ex-colleague, this makes me more confused of this relationship. Haiz....why am i always into this kind of situation where i am mixed up with my feelings.
Yesterday, i got this feeling that i will be attached to him so closely that i do not want him to go away but somehow i am not that selfish at all. I am really thinking that i can love him as a younger brother to me since have no siblings and also can go ahead and chase the gal i want. Isn't it good? I think it is sure a good one. I really hope that this win win situation can work well.
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Wednesday, July 28, 2004]
L; Saturday, July 17, 2004 ♥
A person that i know for around a month or two keep on saying that he is ugly and nobody wants. Actually everyone got their ugly, cute and handsome side of them. It depends on how u view them, i sees that he is very cute and handsome but in the end, he is just wasting money.
For me, i just merely want to go for a makeover because i feels that a makeover may give a change in my attitude and character. So it is a good start so far. Beware of gays if u are a straight, because they might fall for u if u are too handsome or cute. Get ur gf along if u are scared.
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Saturday, July 17, 2004]
L; Tuesday, July 13, 2004 ♥
Today is quite a stressful day for me because after laplace transform understanding test. I still have to deal with inverse laplace again making me shag. Then after that, i saw my friend crying this morning and was told by another friend that she argued with her bf of just a minor thing. I just feels bad for her because she is too weak already and yet her bf still treat her so arrogantly. Cannot care for her too obvious, only can care for her in private.
I just feels that my bad habits are coming back again, sometimes a bit on the harsh side because i feels that i am going on the wrong attitude at the wrong time. Why am i always going on the wrong side? I feels that i am blacklisted because of these, how am i able to get rid of this. Will there be any advantage if i rid these off? CAN anyone guide me along?
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Tuesday, July 13, 2004]
Today, finally can take control of my team members but still there are lots of difficulties in some items. Thinking back, i am really furious and stressful about things that involves in characters and attitudes.
I heard that my godbrother lost his temper again, i feels that something must be wrong with him or else he will not throw his temper around. I feels that i need to talk to him but he just wouldn't listen. Maybe it takes time to do it. Two of them are my friends, both are able to change me so i hope that i can do something for them in return maybe to help them mediate or help my godbrother to cope with his temper bah. IF this goes on, his classmates will go berserk anytime. *sigh* need someone to guide me, can someone pls help ???
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Tuesday, July 13, 2004]
L; Sunday, July 11, 2004 ♥
A rainy accompanied by a bit of sunlight. Overall is still a cold day. I was at work, a colleague of mine is like under a serious depression stead where she acts like a little gal who needs attention from those people that she wants. She was mad, simply mad and stressed up. From her face, i feels that she does not not have many friends in her life. A person without much friends or listening ear can be like very stressed up. She is simply going against the rule. She is giving her colleagues around her who cares a big headache, we are like a nanny. haiz....can someone tell me wat to do again ???
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Sunday, July 11, 2004]
L; Saturday, July 10, 2004 ♥
Another week has passed, i feels that my mood swings more than ever after knowing that my favourite chief cashier is leaving us to another branch. Thinking back, she taught me a lot in work and life. Knowing that she is about to leave, my feelings at that very moment was pulling me to a black state (face black black and sian).
Mood swing veri fast today, out of the sudden i feels that there is an urge to do something but don't know what is that thing. I often has this feeling of starring into space and looking out for an answer to it. Such feeling can let me die of siansation. I feels that i want to cry out loud but do not have the correct atmosphere to cry it out. Feeling bad inside the heart is the worst feelings of all. Can someone teach or guide me to the correct path???
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Saturday, July 10, 2004]
L; Thursday, July 08, 2004 ♥
It goes like this for a typical Republican, Student of Republic Polytechnic Singapore. Our report time for class is 8.15 am or 8.45am. A day a module but life is damn boring.....
It is like u go to school, see one problem and then sticking there the whole day just to slack, learn and play games.
First meeting is just a preview of the problem of the day. It can take up to an hour just to read at it.
The second meeting is just an update of our facilitator aka lecturer or teacher with us on what to learn.
The third meeting is just to pass up our work and then they will mark in front of us, then teach around and learn the model answer. Then a revision thru' a quiz.
Life after school for us is a disaster. We might go out for dinner, play pool, bowling, billiard or window shopping and then might even go to elsewhere for tea and chit chat over some matters. After that, we go home, slack or sleep and then continue to the last schooling day of the week. It is damn boring.
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Thursday, July 08, 2004]
