L; Wednesday, December 29, 2004 ♥
why am i such a busybody again? go care abt such things, but if i dun care, i am like a bloody person who dun care a thing. argh why is it that my behaviour is like that? can't i juz can a life of my own although there are lots of first time. But i think the veri veri veri first is the time where i know that sometimes, alone is the best. Find someone to talk to, being alone and dun be too kind hearted that is the best. i wish that i can do it but i can't, sometimes i juz wondered why am i like that.
Juz finish handling an aj an hr ago, this aj is like bgr or i shld say worst than bgr. It is like some of the segments in the movie bishonen. Two gay relationship happening here where two person is luving a guy at one time. instead of helping them, they are killing each other. kill kill kill, what an idea but then living behind those who cares is the worst of the worst. a passerby who see a guy looking depressed hopes to helpout but does not accept his kind help. thinking that his help is useless.....yah true at times but not always.
i hope that i can be slightly more open to it but, feeling tired of it, juz wish to get back to the lonely side where i msn him for a short chat or someone else bah....best is to a gal but after sometimes, i also dunno who am i admiring. it seems that all had become my friends, listener or someone who cares. nobody really understand me. Ok, i admit defeat, so wat, is that my character, always admitting defeat and admitting my wrong doings is not a solution, when i speak up, i dun dare to, when i wanna know more, i scared of scoldings....
where are my guts, when i am sick, i dun dare to say anything. am i such a timid guy, am i always the one saying all the bad things? why shld i and how shld i do it, the correct and healthy way? what kind of relationship or status i shld be in now, i need someone to tell me all these, best is the one who created us, why shld we learn and why are we created???? tired le, gotta sleep.....haiz....
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Wednesday, December 29, 2004]
L; Monday, December 27, 2004 ♥
looking at some ppl blog and found that he is in trouble, i wish i can be the one listening to his problems, but due to some circumstances, i could not put myself into that situation to listen to his. It is like, i pity him, i wish to give that person a bit of luv. Some kind of luv, that may give him comfort, kills his loneliness, give him advice. End result is that, i can only keep it deep inside my heart, i have not guts or no place to express my views. Everytime i want to show concern, people would say i busybody, say i stupid, scold me up and down.
Everybody has the urge to say or do things, why is it so when the right thing should be done at the right time will be said the wrong thing? When the thing should not be done, will be said to be the right thing? I am damn frustrated with that. Looking at someone to be like my past, i feel so sorry for them. Now i am feeling so.....mad, frustrated, sad, tired, bored, timid and many more.... i really hope to do all things now...but how and which can be done and which should not be done?
It really breaks my heart, and kills me on the spot. Some people asked me to change, i change but to the worst. How long would i need to change, 10 days, years, weeks, months or wat??? I dun think i got that time. I always got this feeling that i will not live long....i got things to learn, do, try out and clean up. What can i do, how to manage, why people always rush me to change??? i know is for my own good, but then,.....realli tiring, pain. i need to learn, yes but then who can give me motivation, interest, reminds me? Not this one, not that person, BUT U. I NEED U, L****R i need u, u are the motivator, your words worth more than anyone else, i hope that u know, i realli need u. As a bro, close friend or wat....i juz wish to let u know, whenever we have troubles, u or me, i will be by ur side, helping u out...k???
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Monday, December 27, 2004]
L; Friday, December 24, 2004 ♥
It has been a long time ever since i last stepped into this blog to carry on my life. I think when i update it daily, it seems to me that, i am observing what i had done, time passes quite slow as a matter of fact, so i might as well update it once in a while bah....
Recently, i decided to take a rest from such an aj lifestyle, it seems to me, i am hiding it instead of storing it aside. I feels that, i am back to the two years ago of me, where i was unaware of how aj behaves all this all that, hiding my feelings and many more. Wondering why is it like that, till now still in the mist of finding my way home. Some say i look like an aj, some say i look sissy. But really, how, i need help. i need time, i really need resource...who can help and when will he or she come? i wish to have a normal life, aj life normal or bi life or best is to be a straight? Some ppl help me out leh...urgent u know???
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Friday, December 24, 2004]
