L; Wednesday, August 04, 2004 ♥
Days had passed, life somehow is getting back to normal. Routine SMS to the gal I wanting to start with went back to normal, wishing to move on to the stage where I can call her on the phone to know more. As for the abnormal relationship, I somehow converted it to a brotherly love where there is no conflicts around it.
This feeling till now seems that I must take care of him, no matter where I am. I just got to give the most care and concern that I have. At times, when the care and concern I give your right deep from my heart to others is just like a guy loving others, as though I am making a move to know that person better. You know......? BGR? Something like that. This kills me. I do not want others to say me I am a gay. This thing is killing me.
Now another thing is that my god didi suddenly like getting slightly away from me. Is it because i made it too obvious that he is so suspicious towards my actions? Is it that I am too caring for some people in nature or is it that I really admiring him. To be frank, I am just over caring for some people around, too concern for them that they might be mistaken. As what i doing for my the other gang of friends, all knows that things within my ability, i will do it nice nice for them, all knows and understands that. This is my nature, i just cannot overcome that, also don't know why is it so.
So helpful that i let myself fall into the hole and hurt myself from the trap some people set for me. Some just misuse my sincerity and it makes me goes building a wall from all directions of me, therefore losing most of the close friends of mine. How???
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Wednesday, August 04, 2004]
L; Monday, August 02, 2004 ♥
Where were we the other time? hmm...I mentioned that it returned back to the normal life again. So sad that this period of fun and laughter had ended so fast. It was so fun then, especially that i finally can mixed around with the class again but it ends so fast. Soon holidays arrived, i spent the time all into my new interest, learning buddhism and going up to my friend's house to waste my time and followed by weekends in temples learning the things i wanted to learn. At first the life is so fun but it end me up discriminating other people's beliefs.
When sec 5 started, i just hoped that i can have a peaceful life till the end of the year. At first, i thought by using give and take situation, should be alright, but it came out that i give too much till i have no gains at all. What gains? No other things better than respect. I already gained some from other classes besides my own class, able to communicate and somehow able to get along too. I am not so broad that i would just snatch them over as my only ones. Am i that selfish in life? I am not so selfish in that extent. That makes me unable to survive through mentally in Sec 5 but i am still able to do well for my O levels except for my English.
I managed to survive through this disastrous year, after the whole exams, i totally left myself alone with working on my part-time job. Then started protecting myself. After 6 mths of intense working, i just found out that i had over-protected myself. To be continued.......
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Monday, August 02, 2004]
