L; Tuesday, May 23, 2006 ♥
i am chatting with S-Ling.... She was right, if i know my past well, i would have no fallen back juz by a small feed from someone or something... This dun kills mi but instead is a kinda food given to mi for a longer distance to walk ahead in front of mi. Lester gave mi his kiss which i asked for 2yrs back, so what??? But at least, it fed mi with sweets that i wanted 2yrs back first and last will be from him. If i ever get a gf, i will onli dote him on as a brother, brother means brother, no further thoughts. Maybe i dun have a same blood brother in this life, so i make some mistake everywhere now and den... That is why i made a mistake. I really hope that for HER sake, and my future sake, i wish to be a straight, not wish but wanna be straight for sure.
She knocked some sense into mi, she can be considered my ex lar. Though lots of gays wish that i am one but too bad , i might be their friend but somehow there is a limit to my courage and my thoughts and my way of life. I can be so damn dull to be someone faithful to my religion, i can also be so wild that i made my parents and friends worried abt my safety. I nv had thought that, so many ppl around mi are worried abt mi. That time, i told him that i want more, it seems that i am greedy, and forever blinded by my greed, no wonder buddhism name it as a one f the evil roots and is true. Though the society is not so open for gay relationship but it proofs one thing, not all a compatible to be a gay, i am not one for sure.
Though i can appreciate them for what they have, what they ask for, what they want, but what i have, i am is given by my past karma and also my parents' sperm and eggs in my mother's womb or ovalry.... I have no one to blame except myself, i cannot control what i want in myself. I ask for this and that, but come to think of it, am i able to swallow or digest all in one go??? I muz be too greedy to do it. I really hope that this time round or is a muz that i make up my mind to what i had agreed to do for her... and him for the last time. I MUZ BE MORE MAN SO THAT ppl will not think i am sissy, or what lar... den i should talk less to create less troubles or troubles free and also a gf which i will asked for. So that i can have my dreams fulfilled one by one den...
Isn't it sounds good??? Den i no nid to make another colin and something, instead is COLIN LOH and MRS LOH.... HAHA.... thanks ling, if not i will nv think of what i want also... Million thanks... will always think of u de.... :P
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Tuesday, May 23, 2006]
