L; Sunday, July 16, 2006 ♥
In the past when i am still a poly student, RJ is a daily neccessities for us....
But ever since i grad liao, i totally forgotten abt it... think i make a 6 mth RJ now bah... dunno will anyone read it, if yes pls tag on the tagboard thx...
Let mi update about myself, recalling from december 2005, i got feeling for a god sis in sch who is RW but now, is juz pure friendship... Yah, celine u improved my mindset too... Thanks for that but sometimes i wonder why my attitude changes at time, from good to bad, bad to worst...
Brothers, if u guys are reading, i really appreciate that u guys still care for mi, though i feels that i am being left out, but u all still try to make mi feels that i am within u guys, though words cannot represent what i feel because i sort of let u guys gave up hope on mi liao... Most of the time i let u guys feels that u shld not put in effort on mi but still thanks for u guys to stand by me when i nid u realli appreciate that when i am in rp...
Apart from it, i gain and lose a few friends too.... I managed to gain back a few friends like gim swee, changyuan, jonathan, jun 'an... I manage to gain them back after years of seperation.... We know each other since sec 1, 1998, veri far hor??? But i lost almost all of my pri sch friends, so sad... becuz we dun share the same frequency??? Perhaps yes...
Some friends which i juz know them, i am glad that we know each other at this pt of time, but if i put in extra feelings, hope that u guys will forgive mi becuz i am a lonely child since young, but i nv go groom myself to the best for others to look at mi... shag rite, but NS coming liao, after BMT le den decide what to do bah....
From the first secret admiration to the recent ones, i find that i am the one who thinks too much... I wanna step into love yet i am scared of this and that... what ppl see mi as and when i wish to bring them home, i scared this and that....
isit really that all i think are juz the aftermath and not the preparation??? I think i am digging a grave for myself like what we will do in outfield bah... I heard that is digging our own grave but soon will be trying out liao...
thanks sanz, if u are reading, though u nv help much, but at least u help mi share my heartly thoughts with u...
To be continued....
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Sunday, July 16, 2006]
L; Thursday, July 13, 2006 ♥
The past i had was okay and so so only lar....
But when i browsed thru some ppl's blog who are a few yrs younger than mi, this reminds mi of the days i had before i grad... How i wish that i can back track and bit and make a simple upgrade on myself instead till now??? which makes mi feels that time is running out...
Why am i such a stupid guy in the past, ah freak... shld have save some money in the past to have a make over, self reflection in the mirror and let ppl think that i had improved my own personalities??? Think i muz be getting paranoid... most likely yes bah, anyway.... i think i am getting lazy day after day but after tml i will be slightly energetic becuz... i will finally get my pay tonight, yeah.... after waiting for so many days i got it by tonight liao... yahooooo~~!!!!
For some guys out there who doesn't read blogs, let mi tell u this, ppl's diary are not realli confidential anyway, those who thinks that is confidential, they might not even show it to u guys out there u bodoh... am i rude to say that but i am aiming on one person who does not realli believes in blog... as them to go read, is like asking them to go die....
i have this sec sch friend, he dun realli like blogs, but now, he is so into it with his gf... so lovely rite but too bad i nv go see... omg am i a bit anti-social, nv go read his blog, or isit maybe i know everything, neh forget it lar.... juz get a life of my own lar...
the sun out there is so sunny and i am sitting here sort of rotting away??? and watching bugs bunny, am i still a child or wat???
Never mind, i juz rot away like that lo....
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Thursday, July 13, 2006]
L; Monday, July 10, 2006 ♥
in less than 14 days, my end is there, where am i going to??? Of cos all singaporean males have to go lar, National Service lo... what u guys thinking about??? Neh, think is too lame to continue in such a way...
So back to topic, recently i find that i am always into fantasy, like ppl who love to daydreams lo.... I am now dreaming that i am living in an apartment by the coast of singapore.... i wish that i am staying in there 20yrs down the road.... by hood by crude, i wanna stay in an apartment with minimum of 4 rooms, so that i can accomodate the ppl i want them to say, but at least my wife if i am able to have one.... i am in dreaming mode liao, even though NS is juz next friday, which will start another phase in my life...
I was chatting on msn this afternoon, we got common topic where we cannot accept in male homo family, yah, i dun deny that i love guys, but the main issue why i love guys is that i admire how manly they are, how nice looking they are, how cute they are, how i wish i am in their shoes of have part of the talents they have.... But fat hope la, save money and go have a make over lar, sure come out nice nice de.... who dun want leh, right guys??? I am sure that my friends who are singles, hopes to have a gf of their own love them for what they are.... No offense to gays but so sorri that i might be stepping out as a bi in the next 5 yrs....
Am i saying somethings that i am unable to do again??? Maybe is time to build up my self confidence bah, go by my faith, nv do things that i am unable to do... dun kong kou shuo bai hua... talking nonsense am i??? yah muz be always day dream.. oh fuck, am i going nuts??? go and die lar mi... haiz...
Went out with GS, he always the same, ask mi when i am going to get a gf... now is not realli the right time lo... haiz... dun gao gay deeper can liao la... but den am i able to get a gf in future??? hope that fate comes faster, den i will have the motivation to do homework liao lo.... haiz... hungry le... i gonna find food....
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Monday, July 10, 2006]
L; Saturday, July 08, 2006 ♥
sian again, gotta blog, i wonder why is writing an essay so difficult leh... Maybe i simply hate language sujects that's why...
what do i physically do and mentally done??? haiz, long story or wat...
yesterday i was so bored lo... changed 3 skins and found out the current one is so nice and i like it alot, so i juz keep it lo... dun care liao lar, use it for the moment till in future got better ones... den head on to suntec area to walk, so sad lo, nothing to do, no one to call, at camp de at camp, working de working... so sian and so sad lo... i dun wish to create a scene at my old workplace so i juz stop going there...
So i walk and walk and walk, till i am so bored i go to esplanade there to enjoy the breeze, den i saw a couple, keep on doing french kiss... i switch position 3 times liao, they still do the same, wah biang eh, too bad i no gf, if gt gf i will do even longer dun care what ppl say or see.... haha... so bad of mi to thing this way hor but nvm lar, day dream onli have or dun have is also another case becuz i myself nv make over or make myself look better..... so dun say much...
waited till 7.30, den go eat with andrew again, who is this guy rite.... hmm.... tell u more when the time is better as i also dunno what is rite or wrong... but he is a nice guy dun wish to give him empty hopes....
den today, went out with mum to see chinese sinseh, becuz he juz fell down few days ago and leg not walking well, so i followed her, den we went to paya lebar fo guang shan to settle something, so i juz carry on lo... send her to bugis to find things, den she go her own i go my own to meet some ex-colleagues...
this josephine hor, got hao liao also dunno how to intro earlier lo. her bf's brother so nice looking, how i wish i got his half talents, so i wun be so miserable now, thinking of how to get a make over.... oh fuck, am i getting into that tremours again??? dun think so bah, hope so is not, let mi daydream for these 2 weeks can before my tekong comes??? so sad so hear that but i am more than happy to do it becuz can go in and got things to do le.... den book out can go back to the days in poly, after sch go out and have fun... haha... brings back memories lo...
kk lar, update u guys again soon lar...
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Saturday, July 08, 2006]
L; Friday, July 07, 2006 ♥
yesterday i ran almost east of sg and den went home along the southern-east coast of sg...
Am i crazy to say that i too naive... let mi elaborate...
i went out at around 9 something to ghim moh for dental appointment... den go home change lo...
Went out to plaza sing for lunch, so hungry lo, wanna eat the fish soup but food court so many ppl, so instead i ate at mac... wanted to eat mos burger de, but andrew dun want lo... oh yah btw andrew zhuo is a new friend i know from the net, he is a nice guy, slightly shorted than mi but at least can ease the urge of mi to hug ppl, like the previous pic, i hug that zhengwei hug till he see mi run far far liao...haha...
Den we went to parkway parade, window shop a bit first den go east coast park, before heading there, we went to buy coffeebean drinks, i bought iced cappuccino, den he bought a belgian chocolate, after that we went to ntuc fairprice but along the way we got this student out of no where getting us to donate, so we donate 50 cts onli, becuz he showed us the student pass instead of his indentification for the donation thingy, dun think i dunno abt these i used to do flag day for 4 hours one hor last time.... haha i do know a bit of the rules hor...
we went in to picket and rail where he used to work, say till so much, macham i saying that i am in a gay relationship which many ppl expected, but actually is not lo.... he can be considered as my soulmate lo, which i can communicate and say out all my sorrows and happiness to share with, he can be also someone i can hug....
Too bad that i got something in mind, if i realli got the courage to go into a gay relationship, i would have chosen him but still can give up on lester... why i nv talk abt bgr is becuz, I DUN HAVE ANY GALS IN MIND, how to talk abt it leh... rite???
I wonder isit a bit too childish that i wanna hug someone to cry or isit that i wanna stay in my childhood where i love to cry if got this answer pls tell mi??? thx...
don't you dare un'L' me.
never.
rooting for
DEATHNOTE no matter what.
look at that 'L'ly smile.♥
[Friday, July 07, 2006]
