L; Monday, June 30, 2008 ♥

For some reason, i keep on thinking abt the past, yet i forgotten that in reality, i am in 2008 and not 2004. It is time to move on with maturity and never look back for certain reason. But looking back on what i had done, cannot only rebuild your memories but not relive it. There is no way to relive everything where what had been done is already done. No point crying over spilled milk.

Like juz now saw a person that i once had feelings for but ended up, she treats me so cold. So no pt going up to her, and say hi how's life? Will she still cares, i wonder so.

Me and this special friend of mine were bonded together with a song and also an item that is religious. Is a blessing given to him by me and buddha. Hope that it works lar. Nv to say i love u as a couple but i love u as a very close buddy, a dear brother to mi.

this truth suddenly come back to me where in the first place i took him as a brother. Yes i do love him. YES! i do love him. So what's the rationale? I dun treat him as a bf or wat... juz a bro, a close bro to me. I dun have any siblings, is it at fault to have a close buddy who can become a brother to me? Okay, enough of such nonsense for 4 days to a week le. Time to do a debrief on it sooner or later, if not it wun end till i found the thing i want.


back to special events.

On sunday, 29062008, we celebrated jeff's birthday at revenue house. Not the building that make his day but the restaurant in it makes the day.

Total we spent 150+++ on sushi and also a cake for him lar. we got a video and also some pics. We made some tricks on the candles, he blow until no breath le den finish blowing off the candles...




due to technical problems, the candle blowing will be posted in the next post. Sorri for the inconvenience caused and happy waiting.
..

L; Saturday, June 28, 2008 ♥

For some reason, i today made an effort to go down to some place to meet someone which i actually agreed to meet. But of such so many excuses until, almost broke off this friendship if i dun find time for him. Juz dunno why dispense most of the formalities, i juz like to his presence. The kinda looks that he gave me when he sleeps looks cute some way lar... i shall nv mention names and those who knows, pls keep it to yourself from now on, cuz i dun wish to make such a publicity for such matters. It is meant to be kept in the dark for some reasons.

So for now, some things had learnt and will try to improvised furthermore.

5 more working days and soon will be my ORD date to come. Yeah!! but not Yeah for double joy cuz i have not found any job yet. Hope that i can get into AME for now. If not i will be broke for dunno upteen months for the years to come. Though no prospect, but worth working for the moment bah. At most climb up slowly up the ladder, no rush as long got stable income, relevant benefits and of cuz variable bonus, 13th mth bonus and many more lar...

Like what li-ann mentioned, there is somewhere i want to go, but don't where it is. Someone i want to meet, but don't know whom. A quote mentioned on 29th 1980. I think i mentioned it somewhere 3 to 4yrs back.. Hope it still works in 2008.

L; Thursday, June 26, 2008 ♥

Day 3 after the incident, finally today got the mood to think of ways to whack my new guys. Anyway, this is a sign of saying that this emoing stuffs does not affect my mood at work. As far as possible, i try not to give myself so much of a problem. Been so tiring because of this matter which involves, love, like, respect, pride and integrity. I've lost quite a lot in this. trust, respect, love. I've been in a frame where i am dreaming of falling in love again. Why is it so?

I want something that can juz give me the kinda temporary enjoyment but this kinda enjoyment, where can i get it? I have nothing with me. I've lost my self respect, faith, respect for others, integrity and so on. Almost lost a few friends, chances and so on. I wish to get it back as soon as possible. I am crazy over this, am i day dreaming or living in my own world once again? Been emoing so much that i feels like a wandering who is going around the world looking for one particular person or item or even feelings.

I admit i've lost the battle. I had nv won any battle against myself. I always gives in so easily, i am weakling. I want to cry, i want attention, why would nv grow up with pride? I remember in sec sch, always reading this creed with the words, self respect/ working hand in hand/ honest in performance/taking pride in all task and also dare to serve. dare to do to be, dare to serve with my hands/heart. Where are all the courage in me? Gone with the wind or gone with time?

I know how to encourage people yet i dunno how to self encourage. THink forget it lar... Let time heals me again and encourage myself with sweets again.

L; Wednesday, June 25, 2008 ♥

Day 2 aftermath of what had happened. Since that night, i have been thinking of someone, or rather some matters that had happened and still trying to figure out something before i sank into severe emo-ing state or worst still, depression. Hope that this day don't come or never come again. Guess not much people knows that i had suffered from depression before once in secondary school. At that point of time, i feel damn left out because some of the classmates takes me as their clown, played with my name, my parents' name and so on. Cursing and swearing, furthermore my mum takes me as her treasure.

Surrounds me in a cage and never really interacted with the outside world alone. Got once this kind of pressure had caused me so much of pain that i had vent my frustrations out without me knowing of my anger and sadness. Out of the blue i can juz throw things around and thinking of me like a superman flying from high floors. I don't wish this to be happening again.

Yes i do matters about how people looks at me, always trying out the best of me to others. But wonder why when i approach some people, it will not be my usual self that is expressing to others. Why is it so difficult for me to keep stable and keep quite? Why can't i have my own style, forever under other people's comments of myself. Why is it so?

If there is any passerby with comments, feel free to tag on it and if it is good enough, i am willing to take into consideration as there is a need for me to change for the better. Next yr is my 2nd cycle in life, 24yr old le. Cannot always stay in the current self liao le. I am still searching for the motivation to move. Wonder who can help me out.

L; Tuesday, June 24, 2008 ♥

Currently, i am chatting with a camp mate that has already ORDed...

He is waking me up from my dreams lo... All sorts of illusion came after yesterday's incident, which i dun wish to elaborate further. This incident had given me another impact on how should i express myself towards a stranger, although he or she possess the similar interests or passion bah.

I find that, i am a bit desperate as what lester mentioned but i think that it is like, kinda kid who wanna know new friends and eager to let them see what they have. In the end, i cannot achieve what i wish to achieved. I feel very tired of it. Buddha or god even the wise ppl around me had shed light on me for the past few mths since the last crisis. I am very happy abt that and practically, am actually enjoying till i forgotten how to sustain this light of mine.

Until i let it dim off after sometime. Till now den i figured out that all these are actually illusions as mentioned by many saints, wise man and friends around me. Now i am in the crisis of breaking off the past and present, everytime something had happened, i would relate it to the past. Till i had not known that actually the solution is juz in the problem. Always staying in the past till i always dropped dead.

OK lar, enough of these nonsense and wake up lar... Be it for Mr D, i made a bad impression on him, hope that my sincere apologies had be expressed to him via my friend Mr L. I juz hope to maintain a simple friendship that's all, anything further than it, i shall react at a later time.

L; Sunday, June 22, 2008 ♥

it has been quite sometime i nv blog le. So here is the life recently.

Feeling super nostalgic recently, why is it so??? Cuz i will be ording in about less than a mths time and i will be leaving the army to the society. And yes, still have in-camp to follow up in the next 10yrs cycle.

I feel so great that i know quite a few good friends in camp. sad thing is that have to leave them for my ORD lifestyle liao.

For now, i really have to know how to carry myself den. Before i actually present myself to others. Juz wondering why is this world so unfair to me, giving all such chances yet i have ruined it in my hands. I really wish to know the answer to them. Why can't i juz open up my true self and suffer in the dark? WHy WHy Why???

I had really fed up of this. I want him, him him, or even her to be in my life but why always ruins in my life? i dun wish to waste my tears on such things ever again, I had enough of trying, in return with disappointments. I dun wish to be looked down and being mocked at saying that colin is desperate or what? I juz wish to enjoy most of the things being together having fun, the loving moments and so on. But why?

I see one, i like one, why can't i juz stick to one? I really had enough of all these, saying it to myself over and over again. Sometimes juz wish to find a way, end up and finish up and carry one with a greater aspect in life.



Juz hope that time, future, mindset and habit can change every facts in me and every impressions to all that know me...

L; Wednesday, June 11, 2008 ♥

recently been reading the book called leap of love, realli hope that i can follow the quote in it...

"There is someone i wanna meet, but i dunno who is she/he,
There is a place i wanna go, but i dunno where is the place."

Hope that this quote can motivate me to do something. Anyway for your info to some. As mentioned in my previous post that i am a bi and so on. I am a bi, indeed that this fact cannot changed, but i can improve myself on loving myself den a gal in mind. hope that it will be successful.




It is near my ORD soon le. So fast, my two years of service is coming to the end le. But neither will i feel sad nor happy about this, mainly are because of the following factors.

1. I had seen quite a number of people whom i had worked together with. Fucked up ones who gave me lots of shit to do yet almost left me there to die and those who actually worked together with me and i learn a lot from them.
2. It is something that i had to do in the least to give back to my country where i lived, so at the least i don't owe them anything except for income tax that i will be paying for the next 10 to 30yrs of my working life.
3. NS to me is a stepping stone, another mileage that i had clocked as a form of experience as well as transformation in life.
4. As a soldier, it is my duty to protect my friends, family and country for front line safety and internal security. To to others i might be wayang-ing. But as a matter of fact, that is what i really think after 2 yrs of my service for SAF.

It is not that bad after all now, as compared to the past when i just posted into units. So fear not, for the enlistees but 10yrs of in-camp. Here i come... haha...

Anyway, personal life now. Last weekend, we had a gathering that had not been in place for the past few yrs le. That is the gather of 6 bros together with vincent. All along, we had meet up but not as this grp and had photos as well as fun together lo. So here are a few of it and enjoy.




All not happy with the drink
da sao enjoying with junyuan in such good ambience.

vincent so xin fu with jeffrey wor. Keong shouting for help at the back cuz, he too heavy liao le...

jeffrey can't bear to part with us wor...
couple fight with their cameras... desmond still the same... haha...


Sunday was junyuan's birthday and celebrated at swenson vivo city.


the 6 at the cake... and what is desmond doing?
main character
main character plus sub character weikeong, his was on the 1st, belated birthday to u...
main character with gf... smile a bit ma, dun be so stone...
so loving wor... oppss... jeff and keong... dun tell mi u guys are???.... opps... juz joking...

more photo treats at my friendster album... will blog again...

L; About me and L♥

;Voiced by: Kappei Yamaguchi. L is the world's top-rated detective, tasked with tracking down and arresting Kira. His disheveled appearance masks his great powers of deduction and insight. L has many quirks, such as sitting in an odd manner and snacking on sweets in the middle of meetings.

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