For once and last for all... End of episode of sadness and crazy over somebody le. This time is for sure than i am gonna end it all. For work, play, love, friends, family. No more being a kid le. It is really time to go back to reality.
A kid at heart but not a kid in reality, So does this sounds more logical?
Care for yourself then followed by others. People always care for others till they forgotten about themselves. Sorry, they are excuses but are partial reasons.
Next will be outgoing to friends who are interested to know u instead of being too desperate about knowing them. U are not in sales line, what for knowing so many people where there is not a need to. Sociable is good but it will be bad if over the cut-off point.
No more going according to individual contexts cuz it can realli pissed people off. Set to the highest perfection where 9 out of 10 new people u know recently accepts u.
Work towards your target, not for anyone else except for your loved ones. parents or friends, brothers.
Dun go too deep into love where there isn't any love around at all. no pt going into it where the materials to light this fire of love is not around.
No more the noisy or bitchy Colin, being quiet is good, cuz less mistakes will be committed. Take initiative to change for the better as an example for others to follow. Show them that i am changing. for the coming 3 mths, my target is to be mindful of my actions and words. hope this can be a good start. start from small and work my way up.
This die die must help me for work, If not i will lose my rice bowl for sure.
Thanks for this scolding session by someone i feels that is impt and is all "bullshit".
Cuz is all the shit if a bull, found by people, scolded the bull and the bull have to clear of its own bullshit. Sounds pity but is the fact man. Face it lar Colin, know how to say people, no one say mi. now got people say me le, still act. Think can forget abt acting and get back to reality lar.
I had started work since monday, 18 august 2008. Currently i am on an all rounder training for my passion and interest. Though this job starting pay isn't that high, at least is something i am quite interested in as well as for the passion for customer service.
I am currently having my training at pandan crest. another office for fuji xerox in that area. So my trainer is very friendly and easy going but has a limit to everything, therefore should not go overboard. So hoping that tests and training can go smoothly and looking forward towards my field effective date.
With a job now and early some money which i can save up to around 5 to 7k a yr, think should not be a problem unless i spend a lot for the next few mths lo.
As for love now, i also dunno how to put it in words. Cuz i had enough of all those imaginations le. Every time i think of him, i will ask myself this qn. Why am i still thinking of loving him as a stead when he is not ready or not going for such at the moment. Really hurts a lot when comes to thinking of this. But if i look at the other picture, i will be mentally/spiritually lonely or even feeling left out of crowds also. I really want to find a way out.
Going back to fo guang will be the best but it will not cure everything. But i hope to have a life plans with real life targets. i cannot forever always depending on others. i dun wanna be so lonely.
Who ever cares abt my feelings or loneliness in this life? Work can cover everything for now, but after work? Who is there to accompany me?
Yes i finally got a job for now, is to work with fuji xerox as a customer service engineer. So for now, i think it can feed my taste for 2 or more things.
Now watching HK series call, on the 1st beat. This was filmed in 2007 but recently was broadcast on cable TV ch 55. I was too enthu abt this now and cantonese version would be better so i watched it online. Hope that this does not affect its ratings or copyrights law.
This series has quite some meaning in it. Is similar to our NS40 theme, honor and passion. The drama consist of the elements. Leadership/coordination, love/passion/care and concern, family ties and all personal grudges.
For now i am having a personal war in me. A war between love/hate, passion/ care and concern, time/effort, communications.
A broken heart can be healed but cracks need time for people to forget. Sometimes i have to sit down and think logically, there things that goes my way or against my way. Research is going on the way now and i am building up a career i had always thought of in the past. From drama series as well as personal interests. Now i am trying out as an engineer or technician in this company hope it fulfill my crave as well as passion for it.
Passion for love, this thing dun come so easily as well. BUT once it arrived at your doorsteps, please accept with honour and pride. IT is something that u dun see often but it will cause a lifetime regret if u dun treasure it or use it correctly. So i shall try to love myself first for now, cuz it has been a long time since i last loved myself le. I shall find my way back into love first den decide what to do.
Passion for love, care and concern as well as for work.
Work for the very best is for myself only but for others that cared for me.
Put others people at first but put ourselves in front of ourselves before others. Cuz u worth more impt than others.
Communications among all must sufficient and clear but knows where the limit and ends for that. What had been said is hard to recover, but if each individuals understand the meaning, No grudges will be obvious between them. Time to think back on certain things. That's all for now. Move on and stay alert.
Army quote: Be vigilant as well as be tactical too.
Shine my way home.
Why i use this as a heading? cuz it means that buddha's life is shinning my way back to where i suppose to be.
Me and him is over for now, but i dun lose him in anyway, i should be happy for that. Now i am still waiting for employment calls.
Hopefully it comes asap, if not i will bored to death liaoz.
Okay, for now i want to try out something again. The test for ownership. Things that belongs to me, i will try to let it go find its way out of my sight, if is mine, will come back to mi. I will try that out once more. If is mine, will be mine. If not forget about it le. I feels veri tired of waiting for non-consistent returns le. No point. People love others and get loved by others in return, but me, ended up in suffering. I dun wanna try again on the same person. Perhaps they dun wish to be loved this way. Den i shall use the old way instead.
Tmr i going to hitachi for interview le. wish mi luck.
This morning, when dawn was hit by sunlight and i was sleeping soundly in my dreams. There is this dream that hit me with something enriching yet enlightening. I was actually as usual, wandering around in dreams. Most of my dreams are just a recollections of what i had done. These feel days, think u guys had read mine, should finds that it is a life that is rather messy in a way that i am lost in la la land because of somebody. A person who is impt in my life since 2004, no further details of this, cuz u guys is reading like mad over this thing liao. Time to put up something new.
A dream of mine as mentioned, okay here is how it goes.
I am admitted to hospital and was lying on the bed in a hospital, probably SGH, cuz my case files are in that hospital. So i was lying on the bed, with needles and painkillers was being fed thru the needles on my hands. I was in pain, terrible pain, was like nid doctor or nurses to help mi ease the pain. This dream last for approximately 2 hours. Feels like i am in an operation theatre. BUT after waking up from this dream, i feels refreshing. Was is linked to something i had done recently?
One news that Fuji Xerox is inviting me to a 2nd interview on this coming friday at 2.30pm. Hopefully can be successful.
For my dream, i would like to know in real life, who is the doctor that help cure me de.
Can be juz one or can be a group of healthcare personnel. Hope know who are these grp of ppl in real life.